Better Than Me
by lukeandlor383
Summary: A songinspired fic following the events of the season seven finale. It's better than you might think. Told from Luke's angle for a change. Give it a shot? R&R javajunkie
1. Intro

Better Than Me _inspired by _**Hinder  
**One of many songfics to come...  
Feedback is never necessary but _always_ appreciated.

**1. Intro**

--

_I think you can do much_

_better than me. After all the lies_

_I made you believe_

--

Sitting in his ancient armchair Luke took a swig of his Heineken. Lorelai's beer, in it's ridiculous green bottle that made him sick, with the taste that made him cringe, he drank it anyway. Every last drop of the repulsive liquid. Simply because it reminded him of her.

There wasn't a lot Luke Danes regretted in his life. Everything he'd done over the years had been for a reason and 98 of the time, it was a good one. He rarely did anything for himself, though, he always put the ones he loved before him. Track, in high school was to make his father proud. Cooking, was to make his mother happy when she was sick. The outcome of those things, though, eventually benefited him. Not this time, though. Luke thought he did _it_ for _her, _to protect her. Instead he broke her already fragile heart. He tore her delicate, big, loving heart, took a hammer out of _Bert_ and smashed it to pieces. His best friend, his fiance, his life. Gone. From love to loss in 3.5. Lying to her for two months and pushing her away after she'd found out the truth—keeping his daughter, a twelve year old, from her when she could have helped him figure things out... It was wrong. _All_ wrong. Keeping April from her was the biggest mistake Luke Danes had ever mad. Oh the tangled web he wove. Slowly driving away the only thing worth living for, farther and farther away. He was better than that, and she deserved more.

--

_Guilt kicks in and I start_

_to see, the edge of the bed_

_where you nightgown _

_used to be._

_--_

Finishing off his beer he set the crazy green bottle on the edge of the coffee table she bought for him. On the woodwork was a picture of the two of them taken by Rachel a few years ago at some crazy town festival. In the photo he and Lorelai were looking deep into each other's gorgeous blue eyes, Lorelai wearing a brilliant, vibrant smile and Luke grinning back. The love that wouldn't be uncovered by the two of them for another three years was truly apparent in the photo. Rachel captured it at just the right moment.

Luke looked up from the old photo and moved his gaze to his bed. In front of it, the television she insisted he buy two years ago, which of course he did instantly. She was more than pleased. He could still clearly remember the night she noticed it. The utter astonishment in her voice as she pointed to the TV and whispered, "What... is that!?". It amazed him. Like she honestly thought that if she even hinted at him to jump he wouldn't ask "how high?".

The now painful memory made his numb mind ache. Switching his view back to his bed he realized the time. Nearly 3:00AM. Contemplating the need to go to sleep, something on the floor caught his eye. He focused his vision on something green on the floor. Her nightgown. The same silk nightgown she'd worn when they'd agreed to plan an elopement on Martha's Vineyard. Crumpled and forgotten it lie, just like their relationship. Neglected.

--

_I told myself i won't _

_miss you, but i remembered_

_what it feels like beside you._

_--_

The first few days were easy. It was not any different then the past week, since she'd been avoiding him anyway. So, he thought it wouldn't be quite as hard as the last time. He was wrong. By the end of the third day, after he'd closed the diner and locked up he'd find himself quietly crying himself to sleep, clutching the pillow that still smelled strongly of her apple-cinnamon-blend shampoo, which he started to use. Her "crazy" cinnamon toothpaste also became part of his daily grooming habits, just to remind him of her.

And now, three weeks since he let her walk away that night and he sits in his old recliner drinking her beer, staring at her nightgown and wishing he was with her.

--

**TBC?**

I have the WHOLE fic done, minus the epilogue which I'm doing very soon.

Reviews are _always_ loved and replied to.

-Alaina


	2. Chorus

**Chapter Two; Chorus**

Yeah, you'll get no spiffy chapter titles, I'm not that crafty.

**Thanks to **_LGandLD4ever__Hartfordgirl_** and **_MaryM47_** for their reviews! and to **_NeuroticFemale_** and**_ Penguinopus_** for adding to to their alerts!**

--

_I really miss your hair _

_in my face. And the way your_

_innocence tastes and i think _

_you should know this; you_

_deserve much better than me._

--

4:00AM on a Sunday morning and he's still laying awake in his cold bed. Sleeping has become a increasingly difficult task, it's becoming simply a nuisance. If it isn't simply falling asleep, it's staying that way. To make things worse, the scent from _her_ pillow was slowly fading. This helped him doze slightly for the last week and a half.

His clock was bright, irritating his eyes and it was cold. At 76 degree's his tiny apartment was frigid. The most likely explanation to this was that he no longer had someone to sustain his warmth throughout the night. No one to stay close, to keep not only them warm, but him, too. Nobody's breath on his face, smelling faintly of strong black coffee mixed with her crazy Cinnamon toothpaste. Nobody's messy bed-head sprawled lazily across her face in the wee hours of the morning when she was at her most visually vulnerable and still breathtaking to boot. He was alone, by himself, a bachelor, a loner... no matter which way you said it the sting of emptiness never went away and while he tried to maintain his manly composure and not admit it vocally, he missed her more than anything in the world.

She never complained when he woke her up at 4:15AM when he had early deliveries at the diner. Never said a word when he didn't feel like sharing things from his childhood. And she happened to enjoy his long, pointless rants about movies, and being healthy and how disgusting Manhattan is. Because she loved him. Past tense, he thought, now even with the old saying "you love someone or you never loved them at all." echoing in his head. He was stupid to push her away. He was the idiot that didn't notice when she starting avoiding him.

She deserved someone better than him anyway. He'd made that clear early on in their relationship but she just wouldn't have it. She would always reply, "So do you," and quickly move on to a new topic. By now, almost three weeks after the fight, she'd have found someone new. Christopher, perhaps.

He got on his knee's and prayed that she was _not_ with Christopher.

--

**More? **

**Reviews are love.**

-Alaina.

NOTE; they will get longer. sorry!


	3. Checking in with Lorelai

**Chapter Three; Checking in with Lorelai**

If you choose to comment on how any of the characters are a little out of it, or OOC I will choose to point out to you that this is a fan fiction. I am the _fan_ and this is my _fiction._ Thank you!

and a special shout out to, **gilmoreintraining**, **kim**, and **diehardjavajunkie14** for reviewing! And to _Gilmoreintraining_, _diehardjavajunkie14_, _bratling jen_, and _gilmoregrl519_ for adding the story to your alerts!

--

Certainly Lorelai was not with Christopher. In fact she was so far from being with him, that she hardly acknowledged his existence, for the simple reason that, apparently when Mr. Hayden caught wind of her current relationship status (by way of none other than the lovely Emily Gilmore) he'd fruitlessly attempted to sweep her off her feet which of course, hadn't worked for multiple reasons. One being, the feet he was trying to sweep her off of, were covered by about three dozen homemade quilts and had only submerged from their statue when nature called. And Two, Lorelai even after the nearly two weeks they'd been apart, had still not even begun to get over Luke. Luke was it for her, and she told Christopher that. Quite bluntly and quite emotionally...

"Lorelai, are you here?" Christopher walked into the quiet house carefully as to not make himself known to possible visitors (i.e Rory, Sookie, Miss. Patty, etc.) and when he didn't hear a response he shouted again, "I brought flowers." He walked toward the stairs and started up, taking them one by one.

"I don't need flowers. I didn't kill him, we broke up." Lorelai said hoarsely from under a quilt.

"Well good, we wouldn't want a lawsuit on our hands!" He responded in a sad attempt at being witty.

"We won't want anything on our hands, Chris. You and I are not together. You had your chance and you blew it. I'm not the girl that will crawl back to you after a relationship fails. Go back to Sherry." She was quietly crying again, now. "Luke was it for me and I know you hate him, but he was. And now he's gone. So, just leave and take your stupid flowers with you." She hadn't even turned to look at him.

"Lor, you're upset. It's okay. Just talk to me." He set the flowers on the pillow beside her and sat down.

She turned slightly, to look at him as he sat down. He had situated himself right where Luke used to."Don't sit there." She said firmly. "Don't sit anywhere. Leave. Now."

"Lor, just talk to me." She shook her head.

"I have nothing to say to you. I should have completely severed ties with you in '83 like I wanted to."

"Don't say that, Lor."

"Stop calling me Lor! Pet-names are supposed to end when you break up. In case you hadn't noticed we broke up 21 years ago. It's enough already."

"_Lorelai_, you're upset. Calm down." He said, but there was no reasoning with her.

"I'll call the police, Christopher. You'll be arrested for breaking an entry. I didn't let you in. Technically you're trespassing." He studied her for a moment. Her body language, how she was looking at him.

"Really... you don't even have the slightest interest in me anymore?" She shook her head.

"No." She said bluntly. "Remember when Rory was maybe... two and you called me to go out on a date, completely disregarding that you even had a kid with me and I called you an ungrateful, spoiled, sperm-donor, son of a bitch?" She asked, sporting a blank expression.

"Uh.." he stuttered. "Yeah.."

"I was serious." She said straightfaced.

After a moment of silence, "You can keep the flowers. And when Luke finally realizes what a dumbass he is, and takes you back, tell him I was rootin' for him."

"Thanks, but I wouldn't lie to Luke." And with that, the ungrateful, spoiled, son of a bitch, sperm-donor left. Lorelai continued her sad attempt at a recovery process, which continued to get harder with the slow passing of each day.

--

**WOO!**  
This is the fastest story I've ever written, I'm so proud. It's almost done. Two chapters to go, kiddies.  
Review before it's too late!  
Requests for future stories are ALWAYS welcome. I'm open to new ideas!  
And, constructive criticism if you've got them, are always welcome. IF and only IF they will somehow help and or benefit my writing or the story.

-Alaina!


	4. Verse Two

_**AUTHORS NOTE: I wanted to make sure that everyone knew that Lorelai and Christopher did not sleep together, I thought I had specified, but I slipped up and I really do appreciate when you point silly things like that out, Thanks again to DieHardjavajunkie14!**_

**Chapter Four; Verse Two**

Remember when I told you about the nonspiffy chapter titles... I was serious. I can form an idea for an entire story but I cannot for the life of me think of a title for each chapter.  
OH! and this is the longest yet!

_--_

_While looking through your old_

_box of notes, I found those pictures _

_i took, that you were looking for._

_If there's on memory I don't wanna _

_loose, that time at the mall me and _

_you in the dressing room._

_--_

_Pull yourself together, Danes!_ Luke's inner voice coached him one evening as he, again, sat in his chair feeling sorry for himself. The phone rang, bringing him from his pathetic thoughts, he let it go to the answering machine. It was probably a telemarketer those damn people called left and right these days, even though he'd been put on the "no call list" numerous times. The caller apparently didn't have the time to leave him a message, instead they rudely hung up. A few minutes later, his cell phone went off, singing "Now that I've worn out, I've worn out the world..." Lorelai's personalized ring tone, that she'd set up herself a few weeks prior. It was the first song they'd danced to, together... but, why would she be calling him? He cleared his throat and bravely answered the phone.

"Hello?" He picked up.

"Hey, Luke..." It wasn't Lorelai, but Rory calling from Lorelai's cell phone.

"Rory? How are you?" He asked, lamely, with noting else to say.

"_I'm_ fine, missing you of course... bur I'm fine--"

"You can always come to the diner, Rory. No matter where you're mom and I stand. You're always welcome. I don't want to loose contact with both Gilmore Girls." He said, it brought a light smile on his face hearing Rory's voice. As she aged she had started to sound a lot like a grownup, rather than the eleven year old inviting him to her caterpillars funeral.

"Mom... she asked me not to. I came by one day, to grab some coffee. Caesar said you'd gone to the bank, so I had my coffee and left. I went home to see mom, after and she wouldn't stop crying. She said it smelled like you. She misses you, Luke. She literally cannot function without you. She hasn't gotten out of bed since you broke up. This isn't my mom. You know she couldn't be like this if you weren't it for her. You truly were... and are the one. She's never loved someone to the extent that she loves you." For a moment Luke didn't answer, he rather sat there in awe of what she was telling him, silently taking in the information. "Hey, Luke..."

"Mm." He mumbled.

"Do something about it. Take a day or so to think about it, and then do something. That is of course... if you concur."

Without hesitation he replied, "Without a doubt."

"Then make it work Mr. Fix-it. Fix the mess and stop the madness."

"I'll do my best Rory, but--"

"No buts, It has to work."

"Okay."

"I love you, Luke." She said, smiling.

"I love you, too Rory." He replied.

They both hung up. Luke set his cell phone on his kitchen table and walked over to his small walk in closet, half full of _her_ clothes. With a few of his shirts mixed in, hanging limply on the hangers. He looked around just to see, but there was nothing of any significance. Except... there was a box of pictures and letters from throughout their relationship, romantic and friendly. He then remembered that she had been looking for that box the last time she was in the apartment, he felt bad now that he knew where it was. He reached up, maybe a foot above his head and grabbed the box, it being heavier than he'd initially thought, it swayed in his hands as he brought it to eye level. Taking the top off of the box he uncovered embarrassing drunken photo's of him and Lorelai dancing, and drunkenly stumbling at various town events throughout the last two years, some with him in them, and others without. Chances are, in the pictures that he wasn't in, he was behind the camera. Mixing up the pictures, one really caught his eye, it was one of his favorites. Lorelai, him and Rory on Rory's high school graduation day. Their matching blue eyes and bright, proud smiles they looked like a real family. He even remembered the person who they had take the picture commenting on how much Rory looked like a mix of the two of them. At the time, it was strange, but now, after the fact... it was true. Rory did kind of resemble Luke...

He put the photo down and let it mix in with the rest of the abandoned memories. Luke placed the lid on the box and set it at his feet. He never dreamed breaking up with someone could be this hard.

_--_

_I told myself I won't miss you_

_but I remembered..._

_what if feels like beside you..._

_--_

The apartment was empty without her. No other woman had ever had such a profound impact on his life, on his way of thinking. No other person was ever allowed that close to his heart. That made the separation all the more difficult for stone cold Luke.

--

**I do apologize for the sort of short chapters; but at least I'm not keeping you waiting! **

**Reviews would be amazing. ONE CHAPTER TO GO!**

**And, none of these chapters have been beta-ed, so if you see anything that need to be fixed please let me know.**

**-Alaina**


	5. This Can't Be The End

**Chapter Five; This _Can't_ Be The End**

**Thanks for all your great reviews and thanks for reading!  
Please note that this was not beta read. Sorry for any mistakes.**

Disclaimer: One day maybe I will own the rights to Gilmore Girls, today though isn't that day.

--

_The be I'm lying in is getting  
colder wish i never would have said  
it's over._

--

Luke walked over to his unmade bed. That's one thing Lorelai would always do when she got up out of bed in the morning. Without fail, she would make the bed. Luke figured it had something to do with her childhood, but the fact that she grew up with maids and nannies quickly canceled that thought. So the final conclusion was that working at the Independence Inn as a maid for so long had taught her to make beds, and make them properly. That must have been one of the habits that stuck with her.

As Luke climbed into bed he realized just how cold and empty it _really_ was. Before shutting of the lamp on his bedside table Luke heard a barely audible tapping sound coming from downstairs. After listening for a moment, he discovered it was a faint knocking. The diner had closed not thirty minutes ago, what could the person possibly want? Everyone in Stars Hollow was in bed by eight anyway. Growing tired of the incessant tapping Luke got up out of bed, and walked down the narrow stairs. Unlocking and opening the door he instantly regretting doing so.

"I didn't wake you did I?" The man asked.

"No." Luke replied coldly. The man cleared his throat. Have you ever heard the expression "you could cut the tension with a knife"? This would be one of those situations where that wouldn't even begin to explain the thickness and awkwardness present in the diner.

"Good. I know I'm probably one of the last people you'd ever want to be talking to right now, all things considered. But I came to tell you that you win. You've had this in the bag since she met you. Its clear its you she wants, don't make her wait it'll only backfire. She's not one for patience." The man waited a split second before turning away.

"Christopher," Luke called. "She didn't come to you?" He asked, like he really thought she would do such a thing. Their relationship wasn't officially over... they hadn't actually announced that it was over. It was just sort of implied.

"I think she may have given it some thought, but no. She's been one hundred percent faithful to you." Christopher replied before turning to leave, again.

"Hey," Luke called again, Christopher turned around once more, a sad look in his eyes. "Thanks," Luke said simply. Christopher nodded in response and walked to his car, parked to the left of the diner. Luke shut and locked the door, silently cursing the bell that jingled every time the door opened or closed. He trudged up the stairs and instantly fell into bed, thoughts of his and Lorelai's future, or lack of, dancing in his brain. Mentally shaking all thoughts of her from his head he relaxed his muscles and took another sad fruitless attempt at sleep. It was useless, though. Luke couldn't stop thinking he could be married, right then. He could be lying in bed with his wife, holding her close. Feeling her heartbeat steady as she drifted to sleep. But he screwed it up, before he could even make it to the alter. He was alone, scrunched up to one side of his too big bed, hearing nothing but the soft bothersome tick of the wall clock in his kitchen and holding on to his sanity as best he could

--  
_And I can't pretend  
I won't think about you  
when I'm older, 'cause  
we never really had our  
closure. This can't be  
The End._

_--_

He looked at the digital clock beside his bed. It read 12:10. She'd be up right now, right? He leaped out of bed as quickly as possible and threw on some clothes. He had never been a good actor, did anyone honestly believe he could go on for the rest of his life without her? He didn't want to pretend anymore. Luke put on his boots and grabbed his keys.

There hadn't been any closure. If she didn't want him back, the least she could give him was even the slightest sense of finality. Luke walked out to his old green truck and hopped into the cab. He drove without stopping once to Lorelai's house. When he finally reached the "Crap Shack" as Lorelai had sometimes called it, he jumped out of the truck and jogged to the door. He took out the house key he'd never given back and unlocked the door, walking inside he startled a sleeping Rory.

"Hello?" Rory called, groggily.

"If someone were to break in, that's how you'd handle it? Honestly, Rory..." Luke lectured.

"Luke? What are you doing here?" Rory asked rubbing her eyes.

"Can.. can i go talk to your mom?"

"Of course. But.. can I ask why?"

"To either get her back, or to get closure. Its ultimately her decision."

"Okay." He started towards the stairs, "Hey Luke?" He turned around and faced her. "I'm rooting for you." Luke smiled and walked slowly up the squeaking stairs, and into Lorelai's bedroom.

Walking into the room full of boxes labeled "Luke's" was a bit strange, but he understood that this was her way of dealing with things. He walked through to mess of boxes and sat down easily on what was once his side of the bed where Lorelai was currently lying., clutching what would have been his pillow. She truly was absolutely beautiful when she slept. Even now, with her noticeably matted hair and her mascara stained cheeks, in her childish Pajamas and her seemingly malnourished body.

"Lorelai," He whispered moving a piece of her hair from her eyes. She stirred slightly. "Lorelai, wake up..." He caressed her face softly to wake her.

"Mmm, Luke..." She said, barely conscious.

"Lorelai I need to talk to you." This time she woke up, blinking rapidly a few times before sitting up and staring at him. "Luke what are you doing? Why are you here?" She said hoarsely, obviously getting upset. "You shouldn't be here..."

He nodded, "I know. I know I shouldn't be here and I know we're broken up but I also know that Christopher talked to you, and you're obviously just as bad off as I am. If we talk, really talk, we could work this out. It isn't too late for us, it's not too late, Lorelai. You're the only person I could ever see myself with. You're it for me and whether we take that and run with it or leave it alone is up to you. This could either mean all in or all out but we need to make a decision and stick to it." Luke finished, staring into Lorelai's gorgeous blue eyes, lachrymose eyes.

"I," She cleared her throat, "I think in the entire time I've known you, that's the most you've ever said, uninterrupted in one sitting." She smiled. "I haven't left my house in two weeks. I haven't really done anything but put stuff into boxes, your stuff. Stuff you touched, or saw or liked on me. All into boxes. Everything."

"Have you eaten? You look like you've lost weight." He noted.

"Eh, barely. Food reminded me of you. The only thing I've eaten in the last two weeks is Poptarts, and I'm never really hungry." She put a hand through her matted hair. "Luke, I want to be all in. I do, but when I'm in, you're out and I can't do that. We need to be on the same wavelength here. Keeping something from me for two months is completely inexcusable and I'll never forget that. I get that that is how your mind works. You compartmentalize, but we were engaged. Just months before our wedding and you didn't tell me you had a daughter. Keeping things from me is definitely not the way to keep me around." She told him, firmly. "That'll always be in the back of my mind. When will I know I can trust you again? That hurt, Luke. That really hurt. You lied to me for two months." She paused to gain her composure. "Withholding information is on the same page as lying. If I can't trust you, it won't work. And there is nothing more in this world than for us to finally work." Tears were falling freely from her blue eyes. Lorelai's breath was unsteady, her one arm wrapped around her waist, the other was raised to her face.

Luke looked at her, thoughts racing through his mind, his heart beating at least double what it should and tears welling in his own eyes. "Lorelai, I love you. You know I love you and you can trust me. People make mistakes, I screwed up. I regret not telling you every single day. There were a thousand times I had the perfect opportunity to tell you and I let each one of them pass. If I could take it back I would, in a heartbeat."

"I know you're sorry but--"

"Lorelai let me ask you something," He interrupted.

"Let me finish..."

"No, please just—let me ask you something."

"Fine." She agreed, wiping tears from her eyes, then folding her arms.

"Marry me?" He asked with a pleading look in his eyes.

She considered for a moment, all the while staring at Luke. Her eyes were slightly squinted in confusion. She looked around the room and shook her head. "Why would you ask me something like that at this particular moment?"

"Because we need to fix this. If we have something to work towards, i.e getting married, then it will work faster."

"Oh yeah, 'cause that's perfectly logical. Is this role reversal Luke? I'm not feelin' the Freaky Friday thing right now." She scratched her head and looked at him intently.

He replied, "No 'Freaky Friday', this is serious. Give me an answer, please. You say no, and I'm gone. I won't bother you anymore. I'll go and close down the diner and move to Lichfield."

Once more she shook her head and looked down at the floor. "Lucas Danes you are never allowed to move back to Lichfield." Their eyes met, and Luke smiled at her.

"Is that a yes?"

"That's a we can work up to it. We can't just pick right back up where we left off. We need to spend a few weeks talking this out." She said, rationally. "Can I have my ring back?" Luke smiled and reached into the breast pocket on his green jacket. He got down on his knees, and reached for her hand.

"Lorelai Victoria Gilmore, will you marry me?" A bright smile crossed her face as he slid the shining diamond ring onto her left ring finger.

--

**Not the greatest way to end it, but it had to be a little fluffy. Most of my writing is. (:**

**Epilogue coming very soon. Look out for it. **

**R&R! **


End file.
